So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
