What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
