i just had sex bonerless
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
