Soap is not a condiment
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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