Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
