I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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