Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
