I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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