Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
