i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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