my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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