i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk is a universal language darling
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
