her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
