So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my being single is dangerous.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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