The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
