is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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