If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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