i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
