im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
