btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't put those talents on a resume
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
