Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
