its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
