If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You can't just leave with hair like that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
