They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
