Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
