sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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