he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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