So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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