i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
