There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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