The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
