I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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