I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
