In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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