I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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