I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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