I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
