You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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