at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
