While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
