The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Too much gin, very little bucket
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You ruined the universe
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
