highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
