How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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