Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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