Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
