It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They have beer where we have blood.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
