I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
