He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
