if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
