I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
