this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
