I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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