So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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