i was born a porn star she said
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
