We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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